Giving the silent treatment in a relationship is one way that people use to punish each other in relationships. If you want to use this treatment, you should know that it can hurt relationships. Though it may have it\’s place, you might consider some other alternatives.
Giving the Silent Treatment in a Relationship
Don\’t talk to the person. The primary characteristic of the silent treatment is not talking to the person. Basically, you don\’t say anything, not even if the person tries to engage you in conversation. If the person keeps engaging, simply tell him you are not talking to him to help him get the hint.
Respond in one-word answers. While the silent treatment generally involves not speaking at all, you can usually give someone the same treatment by not giving proper answers. That is, if the person tries to engage you in conversation, you can give them the silent treatment by just giving them one-word answers that cuts off the flow.
Ignore phone calls and messages. Another form of silent treatment is ignoring other types of communication, such as phone calls, emails, messages, and text messages. If you are giving someone the silent treatment, it can be effective to ignore these forms of communication, as well.
Use the Silent Treatment to Avoid Escalation
Know when it\’s good to use the silent treatment. Sometimes, you\’re in a situation where you can\’t avoid being verbally abused or ogled by someone, such as when you\’re on a bus or when you\’re walking down the street. One study showed that\’s best to ignore these people, as it allows you to better regulate your own feelings.
Avoid the conflict. One purpose of the silent treatment, at least by some people, is to avoid the conflict altogether. That is, any time the conflict is brought up, you refuse to talk about it
Walk away. Another way to avoid conflict is to walk away. If someone is bullying you or being rude, you have the option to not engage by simply leaving the area.If someone is bullying you, report it to an adult or someone in authority
Skip the emotion. If you\’re showing anger or even sadness, another person can take that as a response. Of course, in some situations, it\’s hard not to show any emotion, but if you can do it, it leaves the person with fewer ways to attack you.
Pretend like you haven\’t heard the person. This tactic works best in a crowd. The person may speak up and say something, but you continue the conversation without acknowledging that the person spoke at all.
In fact, you don\’t even respond non-verbally. You don\’t make a movement to acknowledge the person spoke, for instance, such as turning your body or face towards them. If you do, it gives them an in. If the person keeps talking, you can ask to talk to the person later when you have both calmed down.
Avoid the person\’s routes. If you are trying to avoid talking to a person, try to skip places where you know he or she will be. Go another route, or choose a different time to be in a place you know the person will be.
Use Alternatives
Focus on the issue. While it\’s tempting to attack the other person and punish them through the silent treatment, that doesn\’t really get you anywhere or help you feel better. Instead, try to work on the issue together to figure out how you can move forward.
Ask if you can take a breather. If you really are too mad or can\’t deal with your emotions, tell the person you want to step away for a bit. That way, you\’re not ignoring them, but you\’ll have time to get yourself under control.
Tell the person how you\’re feeling. Instead of giving into the silent treatment, let the person know how his or her action made you feel. Stick to \”I\” statements instead of \”you\” statements, as that focuses on how you feel rather than putting blame on the person.
For example, if you\’re unhappy because your spouse has come home late again, you could say, \”I feel anxious when you don\’t come home on time and don\’t call. I fear for your safety, and I miss your company.\” That\’s a better thing to say than \”You\’re never home on time, and I hate it.\” The first one opens a discussion. The second one places blame.
Work On Your Relationship
Understand the silent treatment hurts relationships. If you\’re using the silent treatment against someone you love, it can damage the relationship. In fact, many psychologists consider it a form of abuse, as you are intentionally punishing the other person for something he or she has done.
Work on a solution Instead. Once you\’ve both aired your grievances, take time to brainstorm a solution. Of course, that may mean you both need to compromise, which means you\’ll both have to give in a little
To compromise, you must first figure out what your actual concerns are. For instance, if your spouse is coming home late, she may be worried because she\’s not getting enough work done. However, you\’re upset because you don\’t get to spend time with her, and you\’re worried about her safety. Therefore, a compromise might be that she could call or text more often to let you know she\’s fine or even bring work home more often so at least you two are together
Listen as much as you talk. To truly communicate, you must take time to listen to what the other person is saying and feeling as well. If you\’ve gotten to a point where all you want to do is give the person the cold shoulder, that\’s probably an indication you need to have a serious conversation
Take time to actively listen to what the person is feeling and thinking, and show him or her that you are listening by summarizing what they\’ve said every so often and asking relevant follow-up questions.
Don\’t be afraid to say \”I\’m sorry.\” Everyone\’s wrong sometimes. Plus, it always takes two to argue. When you\’re upset, don\’t be afraid to apologize for what you\’ve done wrong.