Relationship Set Backs
Irritations are inevitable in relationships. It\’s just not possible to find another human being who’s every habit, and preference aligns perfectly with yours. The greatest challenge with relationships is figuring out how to live with each others faults or shortcomings.
When marriages don’t work in most case it is basically because people are fighting over petty differences. We all have different values, and orientations and of course have different expectations in relationships. If you want to stay in a relationship, try not to add up small problems as an evidence of a character flaw or moral defect.
No matter how frustrating a partner\’s behavior is, your interpretation is the greater part of it. What matters is the meaning you attach to it.
The ability to eliminate relationship irritants lies within each of us. They may sabotage good relationships or not. It all depends on how you interpret the problem.
The meaning we give to issues matters in relationship, if you don’t get what you want from your partner, don’t take it as a personal slight—a sign the other doesn\’t care about you or isn\’t prioritizing you.
LACK OF ADEQUATE COMMUNICATION
If your partner has an irritation habit like dropping his stockings on the floor and expecting you to clean after him all the time. You can bring it up and talk about in a loving way, maybe it simply never occurred to him or her that it’s bothering you.
What about if your partner is not changing after all the nice and loving talks, then weigh what you stand to gain against what to stand to lose. And remind yourself that you might have aspect of your life that you just can’t change.
MESSINESS.
Messiness can be a major problem in relationships. In every relationship, one person always seems to be more organized that the other person. Chances are that your partner might never clean the way you expect him to, this should not create a big hole in your relationship if you handle it right. Re frame the issue in your mind instead of focusing on how he inadequately cleans, try to focus on and appreciate his contributions in house hold chores. Changing your perception can mend things in a relationship.
FEELING UNLOVED AND UNAPPRECIATED.
It is up to couples to communicate what it takes to make them feel loved and appreciated.
An attitude of goodwill is essential to all relationships; it makes us eager to do things to please our partners, especially if our efforts are acknowledged and appreciated. But if we feel our efforts are not being noticed—or, worse, that our partner notices only what we\’re not doing—we lose interest in performing those generous acts that further the relationship. We get irritable instead, and at the very least feel taken for granted.
If you are focusing on what your partner isn’t giving you, you’ll find ample evidence of ingratitude.
Shift your focus to the great contributions he or she has made in your life.
Try to offer constant love don’t worry or complain about giving more than you are receiving.
Recall that your partner\’s behavior has no inherent meaning; it\’s the meaning you attach to the behavior that pains you. Look for the best moment to communicate what makes you feel love and appreciated.
FEELING A LACK OF INTIMACY
Quite often I hear this kind of phrase, ‘My husband suddenly left me, and I can\’t understand why, I gave him everything,\’\” and I will say, \’You gave him everything except what he needed!\’\”
Intimacy is a great spice for relationships. When intimacy level begins to drop down in a relationship, warmness and closeness suffers. If you\’re meeting all your partner\’s needs and filling him or her up with love daily, you\’ll both feel warm and close. This is great medicine for any relationship.
FLIRTING
It could be very hurtful and humiliating when you discover that your partner is flirting with someone else. A person who is flirting is invariably searching for something he or she lacks in a relationship.
If you find out your partner is flirting, look beyond your own hurts and ask yourself, “What is it that my partner is looking for that am not giving him.” Spending quality time with your partner can be a great way of putting a stop to his or her flirting with other people.
Committing to satisfying your partner\’s needs intensely and totally will most likely transform the whole relationship.
CRITICISM
Criticism is a big relationship irritant. \”If you want to kill a relationship outright, have an affair,\” says Buri. \”But if you want to bludgeon it to death slowly, use criticism.\” Criticism can lead to the feeling of inadequacy.
Criticism makes people feel attacked and unloved, and can be so damaging to a partner\’s sense of self.
Yet most people respond to every little annoyance with criticism. John Gottman says women are more likely to voice their annoyance in criticism, they are apt to tell a partner exactly what is wrong with him and how he needs to change. But such an approach seldom brings about the desired goal; men feel attacked, defensive, unable to listen with an open mind. Conversations that begin with criticism are likely to end in anger.
Relentless nagging—about money, about irritating habits, about anything—is another form of criticism that especially bothers men. The goal isn\’t to shut down communication about real issues but to use playfulness to nudge destructive communication toward a more constructive mode. Communication is the tonic of a relationship, but in communicating, couples should carefully avoid getting, caught in vicious cycles of complaining and criticizing each other, hammering the same issues over and over.